Well I tried.....

[Scott Hammer TOXIC]

As everybody knows, I brought my 27 year old son down here to live with me and get a jumpstart on life.....more like a kick in the pants to start a life!! From the time he walked in the door he was unmotivated to say the least but hey, I am a senior manager in the government so I am used to working with that:lol: I rode him like a rented mule and tried my best to explain that he was quickly running out of time to get things started. At 27 with a networking degree I felt he could get an entry position with a company here and I could help support him and teach him a few things like networking with people, how to handle finances and other things it takes to be successful. He has really led a sheltered life up to this point living with my ex and working part time at Ace Hardware in Omaha. I also thought we could have some fun with the boat and a nice house with a pool. I thought we could forge a better relationship from what we had (which was not bad in any way). I suppose it didn't help that I have been on the road 90% of the time but despite my best efforts, he opted to go back to Omaha and fall back into the pit he called a life. I am not mad and we parted on fair terms but I am soooooo disappointed it hurts. I gave him a 3 hour sit down on what he was doing and how much I felt it was a bad decision. It just amazes me that my daughter at 12 years old is already fighting for her independence and 27 Travis can't cope with the real world. Ahh the joys of being a parent!! The upside......I now have an open bedroom so anyone who wants to visit can stay in style:lol::lol:



TOXIC

 

[firedog978]

TOXIC,



You did what you could. Just pray he gets it soon. The longer one waits to start the harder it is. I can only imagine how it hurts to see him make the choices he has. I count my blessings everyday as a parent. Both of mine were motivated early and now have great careers and happy marriages and nice homes. I've seen it go both ways with some his age. Hopefully, he'll figure it out soon. I'm praying he does, for his sake and yours'.

 

[JR F]

I have 3 daughters Scott I know what your going thru..My grandaughter One of them.. Is really turning out great she will be 17 In August and she really has her future planned..I hope It doesn't change..Your son will come back around but It will be after he gets a little older,It never fails...

 

[Scott Hammer TOXIC]

It's funny how my daughter even commented to him when they were down for spring break that he needs to get a life!!:lol: Different mothers, different mentality I guess.



TOXIC

 

[Dan J.]

Although my boys are much younger, I feel all we can do as parents is guide them in the right direction. When they reach maturity, at whatever age that may be per each individual child, they make and are responsible for their actions and choices. We still love them, but don't have to like those decisions and they are entitled to hear about it. The most we can do is hope they achieve the life they strive for by their own accord....with an occasional kick in the butt for course correction! :lol: You did what a good Dad would do in your position, so don't beat yourself up over the choices he makes. We just need to love and guide them, no matter where it takes them.



You done good, Dad!

 

[Mini]

Tox, you can adopt me LOL!

 

[Greg Meyer]

Mini, adopting you wouold not be a "project" it would be a career! And, I think Tox would prefer a situation that has "some" hope of ending with an "adult"...

 

[Bruce Freeman]

With all due respect, I have not grown up yet...



BF

 

[Tim Koepp]

Tox. first, I speak from a similar experience: ""Jr" went into the service at 18, came home numerous times trying to get it going, one divorce, two kids, another divorce, no kids, ANOTHER divorce, no kids. TOO MANY rash decisions and then walking away from the harsh realities. Finally called me one December, broke and literally homeless, wanting an airline ticket to come home and rebuild. As the only commodity he had was plenty of time, we sent a Greyhound ticket instead.



He was, also, 4 years older than Travis by the way.



after about a year of holding down some of the worst "dirty jobs" around, the lightbulb FINALLY came on. He enrolled and finished a 4 year degree in IT, completed his MCSE, AND worked full time: graduated in THREE years with honors.



Now has a home, spends more on his lawn than I do!



HANG IN THERE! You have done what you could, MORE than most would.

 

[Texas Transplant]

I've got some issues with my 31 year old son, but thankfully - this area is not one of them. We had a time a few years back where he was looking for the 'solution' and seemed to be drifting a bit, but found the path and has returned from the dark side. He is now on a very good path moving forward.



I'll leave my other issues a private one between the two of us.



Tox - I'm sure that you did what you thought was the best to help him, but having some of these situations earlier in my son's life didn't make it any easier to endure. At some point all of us have to realize that it's there life, and they need to make the decisions that they want to make.



Hang in there and best to you.



Tex

 

[Bill McElroy]

I wouldn't worry about it to much Tox,.......he's deffinitely old enough to have to live by and with the choices he's made so far. As a parent, you can only do and say so much and then it's up to them to take the next step(s). Like TT said,.."It's their life".



Don't be affraid to still throw the "tough love" card out there though if you feel it's needed....especially if he get's himself in some sorta trouble that was totally avoidable if he would've made a better "choice" so to speak. If he wants to live his life his way,...he'll have to deal with the good and bad,...his way!! You've got Deanna and Lauren to take care of first!



and then,..ME!!!...BWWAaahhhaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Hang in there bro.,....we'll chat more while we're jerkin' super toads in May!!

 

[Teri C.]

Don't be too hard on yourself. You've done more and tried harder than my old man over did. Sometimes people have to find their own way. Hopefully he will get on track soon!

 

[Rich Stern]

Tox, there are many roads to success, and success doesn't have just one definition. Travis is walking a different path than you did. As long as he's not hurting himself or others, don't try to steer him. Be the best listener you can when you have a chance to connect with him. Keep giving him your love and respect, even if you disagree with his path.

 

[Scott Hammer TOXIC]

Good advise all. Rich, I never really thought of it that way. He is taking a different path than me and I do not have a problem with that but I have a hard time seeing any chance of success walking "the road less traveled" I am a traditionalist and have paid a high price to be where I am at, he is quickly passing the ability to follow my road. There is something to be said for following his own instincts but I fear he is just wandering.....with no plan. Time for me to "stand down" I guess and just support whatever he decides to do (I did tell him when he left that my door is always open). I now have to write an acceptance speech to give in front of 200 people tomorrow. I am being given an award for my 25 years of government service and what I have done for this office here in Florida. I wanted him here to see that and to know that there is a "means to an end", a reward so to say for hard work, sacrifice, and dedication.



TOXIC

 

[Bob G.]

Tox,



All you can do is give support and offer advice when they ask.



My daughter has been distant from me when my ex and I separated and later divorced. I was "dead to her" for a long time. She's now 19 and is finishing up her first year of college in a few weeks. I took her out to dinner a few months ago and asked her why she hates me so much. She responded that she lives in the past. I explained to her that she needs to move forward and be more positive in life. Hating her father, her teachers and bosses won't get her very far. I left it open to always be able to call me if she wants to move forward. My daughter and son used to fish a lot with me when they were younger.



Fast forward to last week. She called me and said...."Dad, I want to go fishing again". She was near a small lake the weekend before with her friends and noted that the chop on the water would be good for smallie fishing. She gets out of school in mid-May and I told her that I would gladly take her fishing. I always thought that she would come around, but not till she was 30 or so. She also told me the other day that she's changing her major and minor to pre-med and stats (whatever that is). She dumped her dopey boyfriend and seems to be on the right track. Maybe after a few smallies in the boat and she might not hate me so much!! There's always hope!

 

[Mike Levesque]

Bob G.

Very similar story here, I have 4 kids, well, my sons are 27, and 14 and my daughters are 26 and 20....... about 5 years ago, their mom and me split up, and I kind of "lost" the 3 oldest for quite a while. I re-married a little over a year ago, and all 4 kids showed up for it, and things have just been getting better and better since. It was alot rougher with my daughters than with my sons, but things have improved greatly over the last year or two.



Sorry to get sidetracked Tox. It sounds like you did all you could. Of my 4 kids, my oldest son chose the military over college, (I was disapointed at first, then wised up and couldn't be more proud of him). Anyway, he's now out, and he and his awesome wife have now given me two grandkids, future boating/fishing fanatics I hope! My younger daughter is almost through her 2nd year of college, and is kicking butt on her way to a finance/accounting career. My older daughter did a year of college, quit, found a job at a school with special needs kids, and is happily living with her long time boyfriend and future hubby. My youngest son is ready to start high school next year........ All I wanted for my kids was to do what I didn't, go to college,etc. But each went down a different road..... but hey, in the long run, if they're happy doing what they're doing, then I have to be happy for them too. Be proud of him Tox, hang in there, and keep the communication open...........