Proper Tool Usage - Tools 101

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Texas Transplant

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This will certainly both remind you of 'High School Shop Class', and certain other experiences in your life. Enjoy!



:D :rolleyes: ;)



DRILL PRESS:

A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.



WIRE WHEEL:

Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, ****!"



SKILL SAW:

A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.



PLIERS:

Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.



BELT SANDER:

An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.



HACKSAW:

One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.



VISE-GRIPS:

Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.



OXYACETYLENE TORCH:

Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..



TABLE SAW:

A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.



HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:

Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.



BAND SAW:

A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.



TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:

A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.



PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:

Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.



STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:

A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.



PRY BAR:

A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.



HOSE CUTTER:

A tool used to make hoses too short.



HAMMER:

Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.



UTILITY KNIFE:

Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.



Son of a b*tch TOOL:

Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "Son of a b---h" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.





Tex
 
I remember 9th grade wood shop class very well. I found myself 11 years ago teaching carpentry at a career center to 10-12th graders. Mr. Woods, my 9th grade teacher was missing the tip of one of his fingers. When I took my students to competitions, I noticed that most of the instructors were missing at least part of one finger. Too many knuckle heads so I now teach a computer class. By the way, I still have all my digits, maybe I was teaching the wrong class to begin with.
 
I bet that most near all of the shop teachers in the world, are missing part or all of at least one finger! I'm sure the shop teacher that I had, was missing part of a finger also.



My electronics teacher (Marion T. Hill), was in the Merchant Marines during WWII, and had one 'wooden leg'. Long before Titanium ones!



Tex
 
Having taught High School Shop I can say that I've seen this little "piece" before. It does have it's foundation in fact however.

fatrap
 
"Too many knuckle heads so I now teach a computer class."



I was refering to students, not instructors. Just wanted to make that clear.
 
I'll never forget, we were allowed in high school to make "Clackers" in Shop class, they were the fad with 2 ceramic balls on each end of a 12 inch string with a ring in the middle. It was a variation of the old paddle and ball on the end of a rubber band toy. You would get them going and they would clack on the upper and lower swings. Well, we stole rubber molds for ceramic "grapes" from one area of the shop, mixed a harder compound and poured our clackers. 2 catastrophic things happened......well actually more than that but 2 things caused the school to ban clacker production. First, some guys mixed the resin so hard that on about the 3rd clack they exploded like grenades sending ceramic shrapnel everywhere and they got tired of seeing the ambulance at the shop when guys would pull the grapes from the mold and then take them over to the upright belt sander to take the excess off the grape and while holding them to the sander, they would get away and travel up behind the belt and shoot out the guard at about mach 3 hitting the student square between the eyes. :lol: :lol::lol: Ahhh, what fond memories!!



TOXIC
 
Lol, good post! After 9th grade shop class, then VoTech carpentry class in the 11th & 12th grade, and 3 ship repair shore tours, I think I've seen most of those machinery "accidents". Once, while trying to cut 1/4" plexiglas on a 10" table saw, I was momentarily distracted and the plexiglas was not aligned with the rotating blade and the piece cracked, sending the broken piece right into my crotch. That big red emergency shut-down button was real helpful that day. Hit the button on the way down to the deck gasping for air.....................and hoping vital parts were still attached to me. That feat of stupidity happened on active duty after I was already sportin' two stars on my anchor and constantly telling my guys that "Safety is the most tool you have!" :wacko:



I haven't attempted to ever cut plexiglas on a table saw again.
 
Too funny, I just got done putting my birthday present together......a 6" Jointer. :blink: I've always been careful with power tools. It seems like the hand tools are the ones that still get me. :angry:



Gene
 
We also conned a kid to put his hand in-between the electrodes of a "Jacob's Ladder"....he said no way he wasn't stupid so he went in the bathroom and wet a paper towel and put that in between them. When the spark hit it he lit up like a christmas tree. We conned the same kid to hook the electronics shop project tester (we only set it for 12 volts) to his braces via alligator clips. His braces got red hot and he branded the inside of his lips. Shop teacher ran me down and put my head in the toilet for that one. I've been a jokester for most of my life:lol:



TOXIC
 
:blink:I remember learning to weld with an acetylene (SP?) torch. When I was done running my bead and turning off the torch, I removed my gloves. I erased my fingerprints as I reached for the part to pull it towards me to admire my work.:blink:
 
Caught my pants leg on fire during welding class back in Ninth grade, started a new fad. Bell Bottom jeans....LOL I was doing my final weld (arc welding) for my final grade and I was welding outside and my right leg started getting warm, then hot. When I did look down my pants leg was on fire, no harm done but those stoned teachers back then where not all that bright..



BF
 
i'VE BEEN BUILDING HOUSES FOR ABOUT 35 years and about a week ago I shot 2 of my fingers together with a framing nailer.Things happen so fast.Just a flesh wound and no bone involved.I'm about a year from retiring and shouldn't be doing that.
 
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