Scott Hammer TOXIC
Well-Known Member
If you remember the original "Hollywood Squares" and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now.
Peter Marshall was the host asking the
questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads
under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at
least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady
drinking should do it.
Q. True or False: A pea can last as long as
5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way
sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep.
Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me
awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a
stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to
come out and ask him if he is married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning .
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish
as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three
words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a
pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I
Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming
from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture
more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old
question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too
easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow
strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy
growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two
subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the
bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always
safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Campfire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag
his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what
would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never
be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything
wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of
your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it
certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa
put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of
time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is
responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the
rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he
firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two
occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. Acco
Peter Marshall was the host asking the
questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads
under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at
least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady
drinking should do it.
Q. True or False: A pea can last as long as
5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way
sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep.
Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me
awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a
stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to
come out and ask him if he is married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning .
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish
as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three
words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a
pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I
Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming
from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture
more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old
question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too
easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow
strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy
growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two
subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the
bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always
safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Campfire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag
his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what
would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never
be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything
wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of
your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it
certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa
put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of
time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is
responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the
rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he
firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two
occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. Acco
