MILITARY RULES

[Larry Harp]

MILITARY RULES



US Marine Corps Rules



1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.



2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.



3. Have a plan.



4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.



5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.



6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."



7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.



8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (lateral & diagonal preferred.)



9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.



10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.



11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.



12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.



13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.







Navy SEALS Rules



1. Look very cool in sunglasses.



2. Kill every living thing within view.



3. Adjust speedo.



4. Check hair in mirror.







US Army Rangers Rules



1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.



2. Locate individuals requiring killing.



3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.



4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.



5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.







US Army Rules



1. Select a new beret to wear.



2. Sew patch's on right shoulder.



3. Change the color of beret you decide to wear.







US Air Force Rules



1. Have a cocktail.



2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.



3. See what's on HBO.



4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"



5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" PowerPoint presentation.



6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.



7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.



8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.



9. Hurry to make 1345 tee-time.







US Navy Rules



1. Go to Sea.



2. Drink Coffee.



3. Watch porn.



4. Deploy the Marines

 

[TOMMY RICH]

Hey...I resemble that remark about the Air Force:lol:

 

[Greg J.]

I'll add one to the Navy rules:



Squadron sends the Destroyer Tender (repair ship) you're on (in Chasn, SC) to Norfolk, Va, stating there are no other tenders there. You steam up the channel to Norfolk Naval Base and count 4 other tenders, then spend two months there. :wacko:



Waterwings

USN(Ret)

 

[cq]

 

[Greg Meyer]

CQ...



Do not open door while submerged...LOL

 

[cq]

 

[Texas Transplant]

Original comment retracted.



In private or when groups are together, seems appropriate. I understand about the 'kidding around'. Very similar to the type of kidding myself and some of my 'T-Sip' friends do.



My father served in the Army Air Corps. His service record mentions Normandy, The Ardanne (spelling) and other European engagements. I never had the chance to talk to him about any of his experiences. He passed away when I was 7 years old (his death was not military related at all).



My original comments had nothing to do with being 'politically correct'. I simply thought it was in poor taste, in a very public forum.



I do appreciate that your comments were meant in a different light.



Tex

 

[TOMMY RICH]

Yeah right...no need for Air Force? That's a good one......:lol:

I too respect EVERY branch of service and I don't think Harpo meant any disrespect:huh:

 

[Greg J.]

I don't think any disrespect was meant either. I work with a retired Marine Corps officer, and we go back & forth all the time, in a joking manner.

 

[fatrap]

As an ex-squid surrounded by former Marines we're always giving it to each other. No foul there.

fatrap

 

[Roy Cody]

I was a Boatswain's Mate in the Navy some time ago. It took me 3 years after I got out to get my index finger to straighten out, (that's the one I held my coffe cup with).



RoyC

 

[TritonGlenn]

As a Squid (Navy for those of you who don't know), who has several Marines for friends, I can tell you this.... that list is way too long. Marines will never remember it. You better "Semper Fi" it for them.... oh Sorry! I meant "simplify" it for them.



To all my brothers and sisters in the military, active or retired, no matter which branch, and no matter what your specialty - Thank you for your service to our country. You're sacrifices, no matter how big or small, are very much appreciated.



All the best,

Glenn

 

[JR F]

I liked It...I was In 2 times..I think Harpo needs to come up with some more because thats basically the truth..Expecially the rangers.... Sick Em carlos....:lol:

 

[Bill McElroy]

I get more jokes like this then ever before,...ALL from retired and ACTIVE Duty soldiers.LOL...they love'em!!

 

[TOMMY RICH]

No.9 is wrong...That's Cocktail Time!!!!!!:lol:

Air Force Rocks!

 

[Mark Gross]

My son loves to get this kind of stuff from here and other sites. The other Marines get a really good laugh from it as well. And it doesn't matter if it's pro or con against the them .As long as it's done with'n the limits of good ethical behavior fair play.



When I showed him the post someome left in response to him getting married ( If the MARINE CORP wanted you to have a wife they would have issued you one !) He cracked up .



There's nothing I enjoy more then those precious moments in life when I can laugh and joke with my kids .



Gross

 

[TOMMY RICH]

My Air Force buddy jabs at his friend and calls him" the Whinyasssissymary ex-Marine" and the fun begins:lol::wub:

 

[Bruce Moore]

I didn't see any direspect at all. This politically correct crap is getting out of hand. IMHO

:angry:



BruceM

 

[Barry Dufour]

As an Air Force veteran from the cold war era, I love when the services kid each other. My older brother is an ex-Marine (60's) and I always kid him. But the truth is, any one who has served their country deserves our gratitude and thanks. Now, every time I see a young soldier I glady shake their haand and thank them for doing their duty. Someone has to take up the slack from us old vets. Like the old saying goes:

Thank a teacher if you can read;

Thank a soldier for the freedom to read.

Barry from Louisiana.

 

[TOMMY RICH]

SSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALUTE!

 

[Mark Jaworski]

As a retired Squid, I think its all in good humor and we all need a laugh.

Keep em comin hardy har har Me blooming gut is a bustin



Jaws

 

[fatrap]

Gross that was me with the marriage quote. I was in Pensocola a year ago and my retired Marine buddy's wife reminded me of the quote. Now if you want to admire someone, try staying married to a career serviceman for over 50 years. That takes the "patience of Job"

fatrap

 

[TritonGlenn]

TEE - That is a fantastic picture! I salute that Air Force pilot that was good enough to manuever his jet through that vapor trail that the Navy jet just left behind!



Either that, or the caption could be "Air Force orders larger donuts from Krispy Kreme and has them air delivered"..



All the best,

Glenn

 

[William H. (Bill) Barham]

I go away for a few hours and look what happens. You kids play nice or not at all!:angry:

The guy I train dogs with is a marine. He is constantly on my case.

Ain't Ready to be a Marine Yet = ARMY and I chide him that a Marine is someone to Chicken **** to be Airborne.

Nobody was disrespecting your Dad Tex. I was Army and that joke didn't bother me at all. Plus, while your Dad went through some tough times it wasn't any more than a lot of servicemen, myself included, went through.



Bill

 

[Bill McElroy]

LMAO @ TritonGlen:lol:

 

[Larry Harp]

Wow!! Look what happens when you have a busy day and don't check in. I'm assuming that some folks had a problem with my little joke....well I'm sorry if you did but it was sent to me by a 101st Airborne vet and I sent it out to several NTOWS members whom I know are vet's one who was an Army vet encoruraged me to post it here......AAAAND I'm an Air Force vet and I found no offense with the joke. One of the most popular military pastimes is giveing other people crap....especially the other branchs. Anyone who has ever been in the military knows this and anybody who hasn't doesn't have anything to be offended about.



Harpo



e added

 

[William H. (Bill) Barham]

Well, if you got from a "Screamin' Eagle" it has to be ok....and that's Airborne with an "E" Harpo.. Let's get it straight troop..

 

[Greg Meyer]

Bill,



You do remember why it takes two doctors to give an airborne recruit a physical...



They stand on small stools, opposite each other and the potential recruit walks in betweeen them.... When they look into each ear... if they can see each other they allow him to become an airborne recruit...LOL

 

[William H. (Bill) Barham]

LOL @ Greg! Yea, what's wrong with that? My favorite anti-Airborne joke usually from a jealous person is:



You know, only two things fall from the sky. Fools and Bird****..



Bill

 

[Hans Shull]

We used to call the 101st guys "dope on a rope".:lol: Of course they called us "wind dummies".

There was a good one going around when I was in years ago. It was a guy in a foxhole and the caption just said Infantry. The guy in the hole was saying "Man it sucks here." The next frame was a Ranger in the same hole "I love how it sucks here" Next panel was Special Forces " This don't suck enough here" Last panel was Army Aviation and it was a pilot looking out the side of a UH-1 saying. "I bet it sucks down there".

Hans

 

[William H. (Bill) Barham]

LOL Hans :lol: There was a cartoon in the paper during the first Iraq mess with Kuwait.

It was only two frames. The first had all sorts of airplanes firing rockets and shooting, cruise missles and everything you can think of and the caption read "Air War". The second frame had a cartoon of a sad sack grunt soldier and the caption read "Bob, ground war."

It was one of the few I have ever cut out and saved because it was oh so true.



Bill

 

[Barry Dufour]

You know why they have Marines on Navy ships?

Less conspicous than sheep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Air Force Vet

Barry from Louisiana:lol:

 

[Texas Transplant]

I apologise if I came off as p.o.'d. Not the case at all.



I have a personal view of the services (like most), and for the most part try and promote/support/appreciate them as much as possible. Certainly not trying to get anyone to 'reign in their fun' or comments.



As we all have learned over the past years (and learned here quite a bit), that things that seem very amusing/funny or acceptable to some, bother others. Sometimes, quite a bit. I think that I probably 'missed' that this was a tounge and cheek humorus message. I obviously didn't read it that way.



Many of the follow on comments posted after I read it orignally, seemed to be in that light. I understand what the intent was - now.



Again, just offering up an alternate opinion/thought.



Let's go fishing!



Tex

 

[Greg Meyer]

Bill,



As sad as it is too admit... Force Recon were jump qualified... I just was unaware that you guys called us "bird****".... LOL

 

[Ken Neeley]

Mike,

It's not PC to say that....please edit it!!! :lol::lol:

 

[Bruce Moore]

HEHEHEHE

 

[stan martin]

usually its the non-vets that are offended, I've never met a vet that did not appreciate some service humor (unless the guy was an air force puke which almost doesn't count anyway . . . .)

 

[Larry Harp]

AIR FORCE PUKE!!!! Hey I'm offended by that!!!:lol:



Harpo

 

[Larry Harp]

One of my favorites from the movie A Few Good Men:





Kaffee: Lt. Kendrick, may I call you John?

Lt. Kendrick: No, you may not.

Kaffee: Have I done something to offend you?

Lt. Kendrick: No, I like all you Navy boys. Every time we gotta go some place to fight, you fellas always give us a ride.

 

[Michael Snow]

Guys, be easy on Harpo... he didn't mean nuffin. He had to find something funny because the arse-stomping his little ladies in red got from the Longhorns was just painful.



(At least I think Texas won, and frankly could care less about the game, but any chance to smack an Okie is a good one)

 

[JR F]

Look up In the Sky.... Is It a Bird,A Plane..Nope It's Bird Sh*!..Or Jr whichever falls faster....Damm the ole times....My Knees Hurt..I feel Like bird Sh!%%.........Going to Bed